Harry Potter Munchkinry
by Leoni Liponscovi
Summary: If you want a lighthearted, grammatically accurate, completely non-cannon, hypothetical way that the harry potter series could have happened, maybe, probably not, in your wildest dreams, this-is-so-impossible, you have come to the right place. I am posting this 4-5 hours after the idea struck me, enjoy. Warning: you will not find reality as you know it inside, or at least not much.


Harry Potter Munchkinry

Presents littered the living room of #4 Privet Drive. Dudley was happy to have 18 more presents than last year. "Well, Dudley, let's see what you got this fine year of your 5th birthday shall we?"

"Go and make breakfast, freak." Petunia ordered Harry. He started cleaning everything, to prepare it.

"Dada" Young Dudders said, it being one of the only words he knew.

"Dudley, I'm so proud of you." Petunia told her son, "Here, what's this?" She held up a large wrapped present, and Dudley tore into it.

"Fun!" Dudley said.

"Oh, my it's a baseball bat!" Vernon handed it to his son, smiling.

"Next!" Dudley shouted, dropping the baseball bat.

Vernon obliged, and when Dudley had opened all of his presents, they sat down to lunch, having had breakfast hours before. Harry got a piece of bread, a hunk of cheese, a glass of milk, and a corner of a slice of meat for lunch, because the Dursleys were happy for Dudley and excited to watch him play with his new toys. He'd had a glass of water and a crust of bread for breakfast, but was allowed to butter it.

When he finished eating, he began cleaning again; he had the whole house to do before the sweets arrived from the store. Harry never spoke around his relatives, but he knew a lot for a 4 year old. He got sent to the library whenever there was nothing to do during the day. After they'd all had dinner, Harry was put in his cupboard for the night. However, they were distracted and left it unlocked accidentally. Harry waited untill they were all asleep, and crept into the kitchen to eat. He made himself a lot of food, because he didn't know when eh would get this chance again. He hid food all over the house, and put lots in his cupboard. Then, he crept into Dudley's 2nd bedroom and began experimenting with the power he felt sometimes. He already has a lot of control over it when he was calm; being at the library had helped him with that.

He moved, fixed, and Changed Dudley's old toys into things he thought could help him. He also tried to Conjure different things, finding out that he could bring even fictional things into being. Also, he could make things that would change between one device or some others however he wanted. He made a few adjustments to a trick he had Conjured before, which was a gland that would give him whatever nutrients he needed to stay healthy and safe. He also Conjured some potions that he could Change to whatever he wanted.

He Conjured several wallets that would change size and give him whatever currency he wanted, however much he desired and several drawstring knapsacks that would change size and give him anything he wanted, like building material, weapons, potions, clothes, books, anything he could think of. He Conjured several boxes that would hide anything he wanted until he wanted to get it back that could be any size he wanted.

He got lots of pounds, gems, and precious metals from the wallets, several potions, guns, blades, books, figurines that could turn into instructors or something, rocks and stones of varying kinds and sizes, clothing that would automatically size to what the wearer wanted, multitools, paracord, rope, wire, armor, animal figurines(real or not) that could turn into anything, a time machine much like a time turner only made of unbreakable metal and easier to use with the same restrictions except you could be back 999 hours per day instead of 6, paper, canvas, tarp, writing devices, building material and tools, metal working tools, other things to make stuff, utensils, food preparation tools, musical instruments, recording and playback devices, teleportation devices, other things and put that into a box that he decided to have on him at all times by tying it to the inside of his thigh. It was a very small box, at least for now.

He also stocked up other boxes with stuff and hid them around, at least one knapsack and wallet per box. He also hid the wallets and bags around. He made sure no one but him or anyone he gave permission to could find them, though. Then he teleported to a park near the library, found a map, teleported to the Indian ocean in a big cruiser that he Conjured, went back in time, made crew member to steer the thing out of figurines, and researched lots of stuff for 6 weeks.

When the time was back to before he used the time machine, he put the cruiser with the crew member to work, telling them to call him on a phone he put on a necklace if they had any issues and to tell him the bank account they would use to put profit, and teleported himself to Denmark in a library's bathroom. Once there, he 'got found' by an orphanage, basically rang the doorbell, told the matron that his parents Tim and Jane Lee had forgotten him while on vacation, and that him name was Jake Lee, but he wanted to be called Harry, if you don't mind. The matron took him in, and after his parent's names were listed as thousands of people in Britain, kept him until his parents showed up, or he reached his majority at 18.

In a few days, he was signed up for primary school in August. It was still June, so he made other cruisers, all with the same bank account, and each day he made a new one to spend his time machine given 6 weeks on. When August 15th arrived, he had 51 cruisers working for him. Also, he had decided to wear clothes that looked good, made him have no smell, gave him optional invisibility, optional soundless, optional no one could touch him, enhanced his strength, intellect, awareness, flexibility, speed, eyesight, skin density, regeneration, toughness, optional smell, optional hearing, and gave him an awareness of everything in an increasing radius around him as his abilities improved and had the special knapsacks for pockets on the outside, and the boxes for pockets on the inside.

On the first day of classes, he was given a test to see what he already knew. He got them all right in one hour. This continued until he was testing for college, and on August 23rd he got into a university, the best in the world. He used several potions and concoctions to help him learn and make friends and stuff. He was moved to an orphanage in that city and began taking classes there. He took the best classes in the best universities for the subjects he was interested in, and several he wasn't. By the time he was 11, he had all the degrees he wanted, several he didn't, the best house ever, millions of companies, and anything he could ever want. Yes, Harry Lee (they refused to change the name in his 2nd orphanage, and he had grown to like it) had a good life. He had friends of all ages, and was happy.

When he got his letter, though, he just had to see what was going on, so he got in contact with the Prime Minister (whose life he had saved with his 'inventions' on many occasions) and asked him what was going on.

"Harry, this letter is... Harry, I would like to bring in the Headmaster of this school to speak with you, I've never met any of these wizards myself, but I have been meaning to get in contact with them, Isabell?" He called his secretary.

"Yes?"

"Please get in contact with Albus Dumbledore, I'd like to see him at his earliest convenience, this young man here has a Hogwarts letter."

"Yes, Prime Minister."(wonderful TV show, that)

A few minutes later, Dumbledore appeared and took one look at harry before fainting in shock. He'd lost track of harry when the wards fell 6 years ago, and the Dursleys were in Azkaban for child abuse after he had searched their house for Harry. Dumbledore had killed Voldemort a few years later, when he was found possessing Quirinous Quirell. Death Eaters were summarily tried and sent to Azkaban.

When Albus woke up, he told Harry everything, even the prophecy. The Prime Minister was updated the magical world, and made some calls after discussing some things with Dumbledore. Harry decided to go and find out what this new magic was like, but after a week decided he would rather have his own, thank you much. He kept in touch, though. He decided to open his own school system, and began with a national magical preschool. It would teach based on what accidental magic the students already had.

He made it free, and in outer space, and put several teleportation portals on it that could take anyone or anything from anywhere to the school. He staffed the place with figurines, and started millions of magical companies, not the least of which was a newspaper company that would teleport the news straight to any destination you desired for free. It was entirely mechanical, and cost nothing to run, so Harry didn't lose any money starting it.

The school made discoveries of planets and the like all the time, and he put other preschools around the different galaxies, and made primary schools, secondary schools, tertiary schools, and more all over the place. Even non-magical schools were started in outer space, too. The Human Golden Age had begun.


End file.
